Unexplained Formula of Love

So many stories, poems, artworks have been created about love. So many actions have been done for it. It seems that we should know everything about this feeling. But no! This theme continues to excite and bother our hearts, souls and minds. We make mistakes, build theories, insert known and unknown values, trying to unravel the formula of love.

Love is one of the basic human needs. For a woman to be loved means to be accepted in all her aspects, with good and not so good features, with good and not really good actions, while being successful and suffering from failures.

That is what true love is. Unconditional acceptance of a person you love. Without changing, training, rivalry or depreciation. Note, this rule applies in both directions.

So, why do people start a family? Why do they need a husband or a wife?

Usually, socially accepted answers lie on the surface:

• I am 30, all my friends are married, so I decided to marry, too.
• How to be without it? Everybody has to have a family!
• Children should grow with mom and dad.
• Because I love my darling.
• I don’t want to be alone.
• He/she is a great match.

But if we dig deeper, we will see that behind this desire there is a need to be a part of the flock which always supports you; to feel safe and to trust your partner; to take care of somebody and realize your parental potential; to be cared about and feel that you are not alone.

Some women see their mission in making their chosen ones happy. But they often step on “I know what you need to be happy” rake and get beaten in their foreheads with thoughts like “I do everything for him, but he…”. And instead of feeling love they feel insult.

Abnegation is also not the best way to love. Women decide for themselves to sacrifice themselves to the family, husband, maternity. Soon they realize that nobody needs such sacrifice. Besides, it is exhausting and joyless to be a victim all the time. And also, who loves victims? So…

One more trap on the way to the happy relationships is a situation when you begin to count how much I have done and how much my partner has done, how much I contribute and how much he does, I gave him a present, and he didn’t, and so on. Relationships, family turn into some sort of competition. And in all competitions someone wins and someone fails. Would you want to be defeated? What are you ready to do for the victory?

Of course, we haven’t forgotten about our favorite – who is right and who is guilty? How often do you search for the one whose guilt led to some situation? How often is it important for you to be right by all means, to defend your own point of view as the only correct one? Usually such position interrupts you from developing yourself, experiencing another worldview, building something new in partnership with your lover. There is also a delicate moment in such situation – if someone is guilty, then he/she must be punished. Not many people would enjoy to be punished by their loved ones, wouldn’t they?

One of the biggest traps is expectation. For example, a woman meets a man. They start relationships. And she begins to live in fantasies of what her chosen one should be, what he should do, feel, think. But her fantasies have nothing in common with the reality. Her man doesn’t even suspect about these expectations. And the romantic period ends with cracks on the pink glasses. The woman may glue the glasses or she may get to know the man who is with her.

Psychologists conducted an interesting experiment. They chose a couple and asked each of them what a man and a woman should be. Other participants of the experiment embodied those expectations and stood in front of the man and woman. The more expectations there were, the less possibilities to see each other the beloved had. Finally, when all “he/she should be” were uttered, a couple saw nothing except their expectations. Which means that because of our expectations we can’t see a person in front of us, we don’t understand his/her feelings, we don’t know or even don’t want to know about his/her joys, successes, pains and many other important things.

Love sincerely and with open heart.

Forget about all expectations and, believe me, your loved ones will surprise you in the best way. And remember: no expectations – no disappointments.

Love doesn’t tie, doesn’t capture, doesn’t demand sacrifice and doesn’t hurt. Love inspires, gives wings, supports, makes us happy. And if it is not so, you should think what trap you have fallen into.

There is one more question. If you answer sincerely, it could help you to see the blind areas that have fallen out your sight. Ask yourself: “How is it to be with me? What does my partner feel near me? How is it to be in relationships with me?” Answers may be disappointing, but it may motivate you to change. You will feel what influence in relationships you have.

Make it a rule at least once a day to say “I love you” to your partner, be generous with hugs and warming words. Then you will be doomed for happy love.

Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, there is no a single correct definition of love. There are no universal rules to be happy in love. But everyone needs to love and be loved. Be sincere and generous in manifestation of love and care about your family and friends, and you will always feel loved and happy.