Peace is Only in Our Dreams, or How to Cope with Anxiety

I am constantly on the ropes. I can’t live in peace even one day. Constant nerves. Worrying about everyone: children, husband, parents, friends. Recently I have experienced a panic attack. I don’t know how to live further.

Any woman could say these words, even you...

In some periods of our lives we feel increased anxiety about a variety of situations: family, work, children, appearance and self-esteem. Yes, everybody feels anxiety. But not everyone makes the best friends with it.

Anxiety is a companion of fear. So, if you feel anxious it means that the fear is sitting somewhere very close to you. A fear of being rejected, a fear about health, a fear of the new and unknown, a fear of mistake or failure, a fear of not living up to expectations, a fear of not finding yourself in life and so on.

And when the fear seems to be a terrible monster, anxiety becomes its bad symptom, when the heartbeat is heard in the ears, the stomach is being squeezed in spasms, tears are flowing nonstop, words get stuck in your throat, and you almost faint. You can hide your fear, but the anxiety is always obvious.

Why does it appear and what should you do with it?

I’d like to set you at ease, anxiety is a norm. It’s a norm when you are anxious before an exam, before an important event, when you get into a difficult situation, when your future is foggy and unpredictable. We all felt such anxiety with the emerge of coronavirus and quarantine measures and limitations. But by now the majority of us have formed our mind, behavior and reactions in this situation. We feel better and have exhaled.

But there is also a part of humanity who still haven’t coped with their emotional state. Who continue to be afraid, worry and live with fear each second of their lives.

By the way, anxiety may occur in one sphere of life (e.g., realization) as well as in many of them (e.g., relationships, health, social activity).

The worst thing is when your whole life is a continuous anxiety. It’s impossible to cope with it by yourself. You can disturb yourself till getting psychic, psychological and physical illnesses. So, the best way out is to seek for the help of the specialist who will select the right treatment and therapy.

How could you help yourself?

1. Admit your anxiety. Do not struggle with it, but understand that some part of your personality worries too much about some question or situation. And, as paradoxical as it may sound, it does it for your good.
2. Stop struggling with it. What we struggle with is always stronger than us. More so, if the anxiety is taken as a “symptom”, it is useless to fight it. It’s better to find a reason.
3. Decompose anxiety into details with the help pf questions: why do I worry? what does my anxiety bring me in this situation? what makes me the most anxious? what could I do in this situation to reduce the causes of anxiety? and so on. In this way you will figure out your own needs in the situations when you are feeling anxiety. It may be a need for security, recognition, support, control, love and acceptance.
4. To consolidate the result, play out each of your anxiety situations. And at all stages when the anxiety is growing, ask yourself: “What could I do in this situation? What else? And what else? How could I support myself? How else? And how else?”. In this way you will break the bonds of habitual reactions, not only in behavior, but also at the level of emotions and feelings. Your brain will gain other variants of response.

Besides, in case of anxiety very effective are:

• special breathing exercises calming the nervous system, relieving the emotional stress and relaxing;
• relax your jaw: in a state of anxiety, stress, fear we involuntary clench our jaws. Slowly breathe out through your mouth with a relaxed jaw. Do it several times, and you will feel how your body starts to relax;
• posture: the scientists have proved that when a person straightens her shoulders and back, raises the head up, soon her negative thoughts are replaced by ease and positiveness. Remember what you do when you pray. The opposite posture – bent back, clenched and lowered shoulders, head and eyes to the floor – on the contrary provokes hypochondria. So, when you start worrying change your posture immediately;
• attention switching: no wonder, when a woman is stressed the best advice is to clean the house or to create something;
• physical exercises: in other words – connection with body. During anxiety and fear, go for a brisk walk. Physiology works in such a way: if the body is moving quickly and confidently, it cannot be in stress. And if you need to calm down and relieve stress, try yoga, stretching;
• phone call to a friend: for anxious people it is really important to have an outside support. One telephone talk where you will be heard, encouraged, supported may relieve your anxiety. Besides, in the psychology there is a notion of desensitization – when a person constantly talks about her pains with everyone, and then at some point of time starts feeling that she is tired of it, and this thing doesn’t cause in her any anxiety or negative emotions or states.

I hope that you have exhaled and stopped being anxious, because, besides the reasons for anxiety, there are a lot of reasons for joy and happiness!

And remember that I am always here for you;-)