Criticism painfully hits with pebbles a person’s self-esteem, self-respect and confidence. Makes us stand still, hide from the opportunities and consider any success as “it was a good luck” or “actually it was not me”.
For the first time we face criticism in our gentlest age. When mom guided by good intentions told: “You’re a bad girl, because you don’t want to eat porridge” or “Look who you look like! Dirty girl!” And even if this all was told by a loving voice of the most precious person, a feeling of being not good crept into a little girl. This is where many complexes of “good girls” grow from.
A worse variant is when the criticism was accompanied by shouting and labeling. Therefore, many adult clever women can’t cope with their emotional state when they hear criticism towards themselves. Because of this they may decide that they are uncapable of anything, and their fate is to settle for small and never seek pie in the sky.
But the worst critic is always nearby. It is yourself!
You don’t need parents-critics, because you yourself have become master in this matter.
And if in the childhood parents’ criticism made you feel your inferiority and run with a ruler to have grades like Amy had, be clean like Poly was, polite like Marry, then being an adult you, with the same ruler, compare salaries, dresses, cars, weights. But for the inner critic it never gets enough. You feel as if you were in a cage, where you have everything, except real you and your freedom.
Another story is when your critic has badgered you so much, that you can’t do anything at all. You are angry at yourself for a bunch of lost opportunities, but only a thought that you may not succeed in something causes stress and shock. And you again hide into the cage made by your own hands. But this cage unlike the previous one hides you from life.
And here is a secret – the keys to the cage are in your hands. And there is a way out!
Firstly, don’t take offence at parents and say that now they are guilty in all your failures and unfulfilled dreams. For they were guided by the best vocation, thinking that this “look at” would motivate you to action and success. And probably sometimes it worked.
Believe in one truth – parents while criticizing never wanted their child to have the inferiority complex. They just didn’t know how to behave in another way. For their parents had done the same thing. And be frank, probably you also sometimes criticize. But I’m sure that both you and your parents want the best for your children.
Secondly, remember that inside of us there are always two voices: the one praising and encouraging, and the other constantly criticizing; the one pulling us upwards, and the other pulling us down. Both these voices play their role. Our inner protector provides us with support and confidence, and the critic helps to detect mistakes and fix them. But many people’s inner critic goes beyond his powers and starts criticizing not a situation, action, behavior, but you as a person. It makes you feel vile, think that you yourself are the mistake. And you give up, and the level of dissatisfaction is rapidly growing.
This happens because the inner protector usually is small and ineffective, and the inner critic is big and powerful. The only advice is to strengthen your protector, learn to hear its voice and feel support. And concerning the critic, act according to the time limit: 10-15 minutes for its work. It’s enough to analyze a situation and make necessary corrections. Eventually you will easily learn to rule these two helpers in your benefit.
Focus on things which may still be improved, not on searching for mistakes. The goal is the same, but the brain perceives it totally differently.
Notice all the best in yourself. Aspects on which your attention is focused will strengthen. As a result, there will be a lot more good, original, individual, special in you.
Let yourself make mistakes. By the way, life without mistakes is not a key to success and happiness. But a person’s manifestation of individuality and originality leads her by a way of her goals and dreams realization. Such person knows herself what she needs for happiness. And she doesn’t need to have the same salary as others, the same number of cars, dresses, children, and so on. And criticism doesn’t influence such a person, because she without any tips knows her strong and weak sides. And she doesn’t bite herself because of the weak sides, but knows how to strengthen them.
The last thing, never let anybody criticize yourself!
You have every right to stop criticism explaining that it is at least not pleasant, and at most you have your own opinion about this matter. Bold critics can disguise it as “I will tell you something, but do not get offended”. And – attention – immediately after these words you should stop this person. Why? Because she/he knows in advance that her/his words will offend you, and as if asks a permission to do it. If you don’t want to feel offense and be offended, be brave to stop such a delicate critic.
Do not take criticism for sincerity. A person who respects you will be sincere, but she/he will never even think of using criticism. By the way, such person without your request will under no circumstances speak out her/his thought, evaluate or make a blamestorming.
Be a good and supportive friend for yourself, and let the critics do their job quietly and with respect to you!;-)
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