Ask Yourself

“If you don’t hear yourself, you start listening to others”

How often do you ask others: “What do you think? What would you do if you were me? Do you think I did the right thing?”

Behind these questions not only lack of confidence stands, but also inner distrust to yourself.

Besides, by doing this you want to receive the confirmation of your thought or decision rightness, the approval of your behavior or act. If this happens only rarely, in difficult life circumstances, when other people’s support is really necessary, then it is rather good than bad.

But if you constantly collate with others, wait for their permission, are sure that others know better, then you should pause for thought whose life you are living.

There are several reasons for such a behavior:

1. In your childhood nobody listened to your mind - instead you had to do what your parents, teachers, elder adults told you. So, you have fixed a behavior: adults know better, and before doing something you should ask them.
2. For your mistakes you got a punishment which still responds with pain in your soul. So, you have decided not to take responsibility, but rather entrust yourself to others. In case something happens, you are not to be blamed, because you just believed someone who you thought was wiser, smarter, more expert.
3. You didn’t get support for your own decisions and responsibilities from people significant for you. Maybe you even were compared to others. And you thought that your dreams, goals, decisions were not so good. Not as the others’ ones. You have started to head for those about whom they said: “Look how Lilly does!”, “Listen what Marry tells” or “If you only were like Jenny!”.

Unfortunately, at those very moments you lost your own bearings.

There may be more reasons, but the basis of it all is the loss of your credibility. You continue going for trainings, listening to the Teachers and Muses, raise your lazy bum and achieve success higher, faster, stronger, but inside you an emptiness appears. Ringing of medals for achievements do not bring joy, work gets you exhausted. And the fact that you can’t understand what you really want is debilitating you.

Should you ask someone for advice again? Or should you finally believe that all answers are inside yourself? 

But what to do if you are used to hear the other people’s voices, but not your own one?

Firstly, calm down and breathe out. Stay in quietness and with yourself. Mute the sound of all other voices. Strain your ears and hear your inner voice. A little unclear, confused and maybe only saying “Aha” and “Mhm”. But what did you want? It is also not used to be listened to.

Secondly, at least for some time forbid yourself to ask other people for advice and for right decisions. Decide and give advice to yourself on your own. Praise yourself for the right thoughts and acts. And support when you make mistakes. Become for yourself a kind adult who you missed in the childhood. By the way, we all make mistakes, a lot of them. And it is normal. Remember, if you have made a mistake, it doesn’t mean that you have become a mistake. It means that you have received an experience necessary for you.

Eventually you will like to be an adult, to make decisions, give recommendations to yourself. Your inner voice will become stronger and louder.

Thirdly, get to know yourself, your desires, dreams and goals. You won’t be able to hear yourself if you don’t know your own bearings. Ask yourself: “What do I want? What do I feel? What is pleasant for me? What do I not want to do? What do I feel bad about?” By doing this you get your inner compass of the decisions and actions which will make you feel good and those which should be better refused and told a firm “NO!”.

Nowadays there are a lot of practices which help you hear yourself, feel response or resistance, get tips of the unconscious. But I should note that they all will work only if you believe that you know answers to all your questions and think your own advice is the best for you.

We are all born to get our personal experience. Therefore, on our way of life there will be victories and fails. But don’t worry, you have a right for mistakes, because through the mistake you understand the value it has brought to you.

Nobody can be happy instead of us. Therefore, do not look at the happiness and joy of other people. It’s their happiness which probably will not be the same for you. Instead, look for your own way from which you will hold your breath, which is so interesting that even the scariest fears will not be able to stop you. And the main thing – you will feel joy, inspiration and confidence with every new step and decision.

Stop looking for your own answers in other people. Turn off the voices leading you by their paths.

Agree that you are the only person who knows what is better for you. Let your inner voice and soul sound full in you and for you!