If you've ever caught yourself thinking, "I'm not good enough," "Others are luckier," or "It's not even worth trying," – you're not alone. Millions of women worldwide grapple with self-esteem issues. Even those who seemingly have nothing to complain about. The reason is that few of us were taught in childhood to form inner foundations of self-worth without external "likes."

This very feeling of inadequacy often leads us to miss out on profitable opportunities, decline interesting offers, and withdraw from promising relationships, believing "it won't work out anyway." Interestingly, an unstable self-esteem can sometimes be "low" in certain areas of life while being "inflated" in others. Both extremes significantly hinder living and self-realization. This article will help you understand your self-esteem and identify areas for growth.

What Exactly Is Stable Self-Esteem?

It's not about egoism or narcissism. Stable self-esteem means you:

• Know your worth, calmly accepting both your strengths and weaknesses;
• Don't live for others' expectations;
• Don't feel ashamed of your desires;
• Know how to set personal boundaries;
• Don't allow yourself to be devalued;
• Don't consider yourself better or worse than others.

Stable self-esteem is about having an inner core and the ability to truly care for yourself.

Here are 10 signs of stable self-esteem that can help you identify what you might need to work on.

1. You Don't Compare Yourself to Others (Or You Know When to Stop)

Living without comparisons is impossible, and frankly, unnecessary. Comparing yourself to others can be very useful if you approach it as a tool for your personal growth.

With stable self-esteem, others' successes only inspire you or give you ideas for your own growth. With unstable self-esteem, they become a source of pain. Others' achievements start to look like your own failures.

Test yourself: Can you genuinely feel happy for others without feeling worse about yourself?

Exercise:

The next time you catch yourself having negative thoughts upon seeing someone else's success, interrupt your usual mental script and ask yourself these questions: "What's useful here for me?", "How did they manage to do that?", "What can I do to achieve a similar result?"

Shift your focus from unproductive worries to finding solutions. And remember – anything someone else has achieved is entirely within your power, too.

2. You Calmly Accept Compliments

You don't deflect, devalue, or make excuses. You accept a kind word because you know: yes, you are great. And you can say that out loud without any shame.

Test yourself: Can you simply say "Thank you" without awkwardness?

Exercise:

Stop yourself every time you want to explain that this dress is actually three years old, or that you only look good today because you got enough sleep, or that the project was the effort of an entire team and you were just formally involved. Just say "Thank you!" and smile sincerely.

3. You Ask for Help When Needed and Don't Feel Weak

Stable self-esteem includes the ability to admit: "I can't handle this alone; I need support."

You don't have to do everything by yourself. This has nothing to do with weakness — on the contrary, knowing how to ask for support speaks volumes about maturity and healthy internal resources.

Test yourself: How easy is it for you to ask for help or admit that you're struggling?

Exercise:

If you're afraid of being rejected or worried that help might not be given "correctly," try starting with small tasks that can definitely be delegated to someone else. Your children can wash the dishes after themselves, your partner can pick up groceries on the way home, or a colleague can give you valuable advice on project preparation. The main thing is not to start with reproaches or accusations that everything relies solely on you. Ask kindly and confidently, and don't forget to express gratitude for the help.

4. You Know How to Say "NO" — Without Guilt

You don't agree to everything out of fear of offending someone. You don't sacrifice your interests to be convenient, nor do you abandon your desires and plans just so you won't be seen as a selfish egoist.

You don't justify yourself, search for reasons or arguments, or make promises you'll later regret. Your "NO" sounds calm because you know you have the right to choose, and you can exercise that right.

Test yourself: Can you say no without feeling like a bad person?

Exercise:

If you find it difficult to say no in serious situations, try practicing with minor requests where it has little impact. "Thanks, but I don't want anything sweet right now." "Sorry, I won't be able to take your call today." "I won't be able to meet today." Get used to these new feelings – this will help you assert your personal boundaries in more critical circumstances.

If the fear of saying no triggers anxiety, try working on your overall anxiety. Perhaps the issue isn't your inability to say "no," but rather your underlying worry and tension. Take a test to determine your level and causes of anxiety (in a chat), and regain a state where interacting with others no longer feels like a challenge.

And remember, all of us have a choice. Some people have the choice to approach you or not; you have the choice to agree or refuse. This is part of healthy adult communication, and there's nothing to feel guilty about.

5. You Don't Generalize

Made a mistake – got back up – moved on.

That's it. It's just an experience, not proof of your unsuitability. It's an isolated incident that does not define your worth. Mistakes and failures are an integral part of the path to success and an opportunity to learn and grow. Nothing more.

Test yourself: How do you talk to yourself when things go wrong?

Exercise:

The next time something doesn't go your way, instead of your usual negative monologue, activate "Best Friend" mode in your head. Imagine a close friend or loved one was in your shoes – how would you support them? You'd probably find words of encouragement and inspire them not to give up. Now, accept the fact that your closest loved one is yourself.

6. You Can Celebrate Your Achievements — Even the Smallest Ones

You don't tie your self-worth to your achievements. You don't need permission to feel significant, important, and worthy of good things only if you've accomplished something.

You made a delicious breakfast, organized your winter clothes closet, went for a run, wrote a social media post – these aren't trivial things for you; they're reasons to tell yourself, "I'm doing great!" You don't need external approval – you give it to yourself.

Test yourself: Do you praise yourself for "small things" or do you always need a significant reason?

Exercise:

Try keeping a gratitude journal. This is a simple but very effective psychological practice that will help you start noticing all the little things around you. Including your own efforts. If you don't know where to start, read this article on my blog.

A pleasant bonus: after some time, you will not only strengthen your self-esteem but also develop an overall positive attitude towards life.

7. You Don't Try to Earn Love — You Know You're Already Worthy

You're not afraid to raise difficult questions in relationships for fear of being abandoned. You don't tolerate disrespect, trying to be a "good girl." You don't give up your own life to be absorbed into someone else's.

You know that love is not a reward or a prize given for exemplary behavior. You are worthy of love simply because you exist.

Test yourself: Do you set conditions for yourself to receive love? "If I lose weight / get a diploma / earn money – then I'll be worthy of better?"

Exercise:

Recall a situation where you tried to "earn" love and attention. Write down the answers to these questions:

• Where and with whom did I try to earn love, attention, or approval?
• What exactly did I do to get it?
• What did I feel when I wasn't noticed, praised, or valued?

Don't analyze, just describe. This could be from childhood, work, or relationships. The main thing is to honestly see this pattern in your behavior.

Now imagine a little five to seven-year-old girl in front of you. She looks at you and says: "I'm trying to be good so I won't be scolded and so they'll love me. I'm really trying hard. I'm afraid that if I'm not good, they won't love me."

Answer her gently, with love. Something like: "You don't have to be perfect for them to love you. You are already a miracle. You don't have to save anyone, adjust, or prove anything. You are who you are. And I love you. Just like that. Just for being you."

Write down your answer. It can be in the form of a letter:

“My dear little one, I want to tell you…”

Now write a short affirmation or phrase that you want to repeat to yourself every day. For example:

• I am already worthy of love, simply because I exist.
• I don't need to prove anything to be loved.
• I am valuable and important – unconditionally.

Hang this phrase somewhere visible: on your mirror, as your phone wallpaper, in your planner. Repeat it, especially when the desire to "please" reappears.

Let's move to practice.

Ask yourself: where today am I "earning" love, instead of simply being myself?

And choose one situation where you'll act differently. For example, you might decline a task outside your work responsibilities. You won't justify your choice. You won't let anything interfere with your weekend plans.

Small steps lead to great transformation.

8. You Calmly Accept Criticism

You can separate reactions to what you do from judgments about you as a person. You don't perceive rejection as a personal tragedy. For you, the phrase "The project is rough, it needs refinement" is not equivalent to the phrase "Something is always wrong with you."

Test yourself: How do you react to criticism?

Exercise:

If you perceive any critical remark very painfully, try to learn to separate the fact from the judgment.

"You didn't submit the report on time" – that's a fact.

"You're an irresponsible and incompetent failure" – that's a label (which you're applying to yourself).

Ask yourself, is that really true? Do you always miss deadlines, let people down, can you not be relied on for anything? Probably not. You are more than just one action.

9. You Take Care of Yourself

You don't put yourself last on the list. You remember to prioritize rest, nutrition, and emotional hygiene. You have mini-rituals: a bath without your phone, a walk without headphones, words of self-support in the morning. Not as an afterthought, "if there's time left over," but consciously, to replenish your resources.

Test yourself: How much attention do you dedicate to yourself out of love?

Exercise:

Right now, write down a plan for the next week, including at least one self-care item for each day.

If you have a hard time coming up with a plan, use my bot – you will receive reminders about your state according to the phases of your cycle and recommendations on how to take care of yourself.

10. You Don't Strive for Perfection

You're not afraid to make mistakes and don't worry about what others might think of your errors. You can be different—strong, gentle, vibrant, calm, determined, and relaxed. You don't play a role to appear in a better light to others. You simply live your life and allow yourself to be yourself.

Test yourself: How do you feel about your "imperfections"?

Exercise:

List your "flaws" and, next to each, write down how this trait actually helps you in life. For example, you might think you're too lazy too often. Think about situations where this trait helped you conserve energy and achieve what you wanted without burnout.

What's Next?

Each of these signs indicates that you are on a path where you prioritize your own value. And even if things aren't perfect yet, you now know exactly what to work on.

Take one exercise from the article and implement a new rule each week to stabilize your self-esteem.

The most important thing is to be attentive, supportive, and honest with yourself. To love yourself is to be kind to yourself ;)