How to Get Rid of Negative Thoughts: 6 Effective Techniques that Really Help

Do you also sometimes find yourself trapped in thoughts that only spoil your mood and take away your energy? It seems like nothing catastrophic has happened, but inside it's like the “I-do-it-all-wrong” FM radio is on. And it plays non-stop: "I can't handle it," "This is too serious a problem," "I've failed again.

Unfortunately, it's so typical of us to overthink everything, to worry, and to feel somehow inadequate. But what if these are just our mind games that have nothing to do with reality? Our thoughts are just thoughts, not the actual events. And they can – and should – be learned how to manage them.

In this article, I've picked out for you six effective techniques for getting rid of negative thoughts that really work. No fluff, no abstract philosophy, no magic. Ready? Let's get started!

1. The Reality Square - What's Real and What the Brain Has Invented

The first thing to realize is that our thoughts are not the final truth. Psychologists say that 90% of what worries us is something we invent for ourselves.

That's why it's important to learn to separate objective reality and your reaction to what's going on. Try the Reality Squared technique, based on the principles of NLP and cognitive psychotherapy.

The next time you catch yourself thinking negatively about what happened (or didn't happen) again, ask yourself these four questions:

Step 1. Facts. What really happened? Just the facts.
Example: I sent a message to a coworker, but I didn't get a reply.

Step 2. Interpretations. What do I think about that?
I guess I'm being ignored. No one wants my ideas. I'm boring. I'm not taken seriously.

Step 3. Feelings. What am I starting to feel by thinking this way?
Resentment, anxiety, anger, shame.

Step 4. Alternative. What other possible explanations are there?
Maybe they're busy. Maybe they're sick. Maybe they didn't see the message. Or maybe they're just tired. (Write out whatever comes to mind).

And then comes the moment of truth: it turns out that the whole storm of emotions was not because of the fact itself, but because of your thoughts about it. And your thoughts are not the only possible ones.

Try to apply this scenario to each troubling situation, preferably on paper. This is the easiest way to get out of your own head and back into reality, where other options are possible and things are not as dramatic as you may think.

2. The Stop-Thinking Technique - When Anxiety is Just Beginning

Remember the famous experiment with the purple bracelet that you had to wear for 21 days and flick yourself on the wrist whenever you felt like complaining about life?

It really works. Even without the bracelet. The main thing is to track the beginning of a negative monologue in your head and catch yourself in time and tell yourself: STOP!

It is better to say it out loud. For greater effectiveness, add physical actions - you can snap your fingers, clap your hands or stand up sharply. The brain and body are parts of a single, unified mechanism, and you can interrupt the unwanted thought process with physical movements. It's like a reboot for your internal computer.

After you interrupt the negative mental scenario, it's time to load a new program into this computer - to replace negative thoughts about yourself or the situation with positive statements. The key is not to fake it. Choose thoughts that can really support you and that you yourself will willingly believe in.

For example: 

• "It's not easy for me right now, but it's not forever."
• "I'm not perfect, and that's okay."
• "I'm trying, and that's why I can do it."

Helpful Hint: prepare a list of such phrases that resonate with you in advance. And when you once again feel that everything is hopeless, you'll have a lifeline at your fingertips. 

Helpful hint: if you're used to living with a background feeling of anxiety, you'll likely need deeper tools to work through your problem. Try taking the free anxiety level test (in chat) that I've developed specifically for women to see how serious it is, and you can also identify the real cause of your anxiety with another test in a trial subscription (available in Private Place on web-site) to get rid of what's keeping you from living life to the fullest.

3. Replace the Inner Critic with a Mentor

If you occasionally give yourself a " harsh critique " and unleash a torrent of accusations on yourself, you probably have a very harsh inner critic living in your head.

It's telling you, "You're not trying hard enough," "You don't deserve a vacation yet," "Everyone else has already achieved more, and you're still..."

You may think that this is what your inner motivation is supposed to look like. But in reality, it is a devaluation and destruction of your self-esteem by your own hand. There is simply no energy left for joy and self-belief.

What if I told you that you don't have to listen to that voice? You can cultivate another character within yourself – your inner mentor. Caring, wise, and supportive.

Try the following exercise. When you once again catch yourself self-criticizing, ask yourself: "Would I say that to a friend?"

If not, then you shouldn't say it to yourself either. Think about how you could support a loved one in a similar situation, and direct that support toward yourself.

"You've already accomplished so much, you can handle this too!". "There are days when it's better to pause and rest, you'll get through it all." "Nothing terrible has happened, you are learning new things and you have the right to make mistakes, you can't do without them."

When the internal dialogue changes - changes begin to happen with self-perception. Belief in yourself works wonders. Try it!

4. What if...Everything Is Going to Be Okay?

We are so used to scaring ourselves with negative thoughts about the future that we find it hard to believe that other things are possible.

What if you imagine a future where everything is just fine? Where your speech gets a standing ovation. Where your post gets dozens of comments from grateful followers. Where you calmly and easily communicate with the person you like....

Close your eyes and visualize in detail the moment of your triumph. What people are saying, how the hall falls silent, how you answer questions, how skillfully you drive the car, what pleasure you get from the attention of your conversation partner – analyze any situation that is currently causing you anxiety. How do you feel when things are going well?

Try to live in that picture - let the emotion literally "imprint" into your subconscious. It's not magic - it's how mental rewiring works.

The brain doesn't distinguish between fiction and reality. So why rehearse a negative scenario in your head when you can practice the best possible scenario?

5. A Horror Movie

Let me tell you right away, this technique is not for everyone. But if it works for you, you will have a very effective tool for getting rid of negative thoughts.

Its essence is not to avoid frightening scenarios, but on the contrary maximize the negativity, turning the "scary" into absurdity.

For example, you're afraid to speak at a conference that would be very beneficial to your career. You feel like no one will be interested, that you won't be able to hold the attention of the room, that more experienced colleagues will make fun of you. Let's imagine the worst-case scenario. You get on stage, start talking, the audience starts whistling and tomatoes fly at you. Colleagues come up to you and tell you that they are ashamed to admit that they once worked with you, and your boss threatens to call the police.

Isn't that funny? That's the point! You don't believe it's possible. But your imagination is trying to scare you, and sometimes the best thing to do in such a situation is to laugh at your "horror stories". Laughter is a great cure for fear and stress.

6. Grounding - Back to the Body

A very effective technique that helps you literally return to yourself and feel supported and safe again.

When negative thoughts come over us, it is as if we are flying away from reality: our head is heavy, our hands are cold, and our breathing is shallow.

Try this "5-4-3-2-1" exercise:

1. Name 5 things you see around you.
2. 4 things you can touch.
3. 3 sounds you hear.
4. 2 smells you can smell.
5. 1 taste.

It's enough to get back to the present moment and feel in control of what we can really control - our state. This will give you back a sense of resilience, and therefore help you make decisions from a strong position.

Being able to control your thoughts is a skill that can and should be developed. At first, the task may seem impossible, because it's really not easy to get out of the mental whirlpool, but practice makes all the difference.

Start with one technique. Try it for a week. Take time to think about how it feels. Then add another one. This way, you will gradually find your own approach to thought management, which means you will be able to build a new type of thinking that will help and support you in any life circumstances.