Fear of Change: How to Stop Being Afraid of Change in Life

You seem like you've been an adult for a long time. You’re established, wise, and have been through a lot. You have a family, a profession, and accumulated life experience. But suddenly at some point you catch yourself thinking: "I don't want to do this anymore". Or: "What if I am capable of something more?". Or simply, "I'm tired, I want to change something".

And it doesn't matter what the reason is. Sometimes the desire for change can come quite unexpectedly, like a gust of spring wind. It seems that you can do anything - move, as you have long dreamed, to the sea. Start your own business. You could even build a relationship where you will be calm and happy.

But along with that excitement always comes anxiety. "What if it doesn't work out?" "What if I lose everything I have now?" "Is it too late to start over?".

If you're feeling this way, know this: you're not alone. Fear of change is a frequent companion for women of all ages, and especially for those who have not only dreams but also commitments behind them. Not only do we know how to want and achieve what we want, but we also know how to take care - of others, of stability, and of the future. It is time to take care of ourselves.

In this article you will find seven gentle but powerful steps that will help you deal with the fear of change, feel an inner support and start taking action.

1. Recognize the Fear

The first thing to do is to recognize your fear and stop being ashamed of it.

Fear is not an enemy. It’s like an inner guardian that seeks to protect you from pain, from risk, from uncertainty. And it acts the way it knows how - through anxiety, doubt, and the endless putting off the important things for later.

Denying it or trying to pretend it doesn't exist is a losing strategy. The harder you try to silence his voice, the louder it gets. However, if you tell it, "I hear you. I'm really scared. Thank you for protecting me" - the internal tension will subside a little.

Remember - you're not weak. You're just human. You can both be afraid and move forward at the same time.

Try a simple but effective practice. Write in a journal what you’re afraid of. Don't filter, don't judge, don't be ashamed. Let your fears "speak out". And then write opposite each item: "Despite this, I choose to move forward".

2. Don't Think About the Whole Journey, But About the Next Step

One of the main reasons why change scares us so much is that it seems too big for us. Just when you envision a happy picture of your future, your brain immediately cranks up its record, "Wow... so you have to quit your job, sell your apartment, find a place to live, leave your friends, change everything!" - and that's it, you give in to panic and put your dreams on hold indefinitely.

But all you really need to do to start the chain of change is to take one small action. It's the one you should focus your attention on. This way, you can gently circumvent your fear and really move towards your goals.

For example, if you want to change careers, schedule a 30-minute information search. If you’re thinking about moving - make a list of cities where you'd like to live. If you’re tired of loneliness - write a list of desirable traits in your future partner.

Just one step. No sudden moves. No overwhelming commitment. Just give it a try.

3. Fast Is Slow, But Every Day

You don't have to accomplish feats or meet deadlines. The most reliable changes are those that are made without rushing. It's not about feeling deprived - it's about honoring yourself, how you feel, and the accomplishments you can already be proud of in your life.

Making a decision after a week of deliberation or an entire year of preparation - both are perfectly normal. You're not setting a record for change - you're carefully crafting your life. Allow yourself to stop, to question, to change piece by piece. Paradoxically, this is the approach that will get you where you want to be faster.

4. Take Care of Your Inner Resource

Fear of change doesn't just live in our heads. It often manifests in our bodies. In a tense back, a clenched jaw, insomnia. Therefore, it is important to address the fear of change not only mentally, but also by taking care of your body.

What can help you:

• Breathing Exercises;
• Daily activity - even half an hour of moving in the fresh air without your phone can work wonders;
• Cozy rituals like a warm bath at the end of the day, a massage, tea, a cozy blanket, and favorite books - anything that calms you down and fills you with resources.

Don't forget your health. Sometimes fatigue and anxiety are the result of an imbalance in your body. Learn to listen to its signals, do regular check-ups with the necessary tests and take into account the specifics of your cycle. For this very purpose, I’ve developed a useful bot for women that helps to plan activity, diet and rest according to the phases of the menstrual cycle. You can download it here and live in harmony with your inner rhythm.

5. Expose Your Inner Critic

This voice has been in our heads since childhood, when we were criticized at school or praised for only getting straight A's at home.

Now, however, it uses different expressions: "It's too late." "You can't do it." "Think about how it will affect the family." "And if you don't, it'll be embarrassing. "

This voice is not intuition, as is often assumed. It's the voice of fear. Of other people's expectations. The same inner critic you've been listening to for too long.

Try this practice.

Step one. Imagine what that voice looks like. Maybe it's a teacher, a strict mom, or a chorus of "public opinion" voices.

Step two. After you visualize that voice, say to it, "Thank you for taking care of me all these years. But now I know where and how to go on my own. I can handle it."

Step three. Switch to a supportive voice. Imagine another character saying, "You're so good. You've been through so much already. I'm proud of you. Why not give it a try?"

6. Listen to Yourself, Not Someone Else's "Shoulds"

Society loves scenarios: at 30 - marriage, at 40 - career, at 60 - grandchildren and cottage in the village. It’s scary to go dancing at 50, it’s scary to have a third child at 45, it’s scary to change a successful but hated career in a corporation for your own small business. After all, if you deviate from the route - you are guaranteed to be misunderstood and even censured.

So we voluntarily place ourselves in a cage of other people's expectations and evaluations. The trap is that in any case it is impossible to please everyone. Whether you are a mom of many children or a child-free, a housewife or a career woman, whether you live where you were born or change your place of residence every five years, you are at risk of being judged one way or another. So is it worth adjusting to other people's opinions?

Tell yourself right now, "I have the right to live the life I want to live." And make your choice.

To help yourself chart the course of your future life, try the following exercise. Answer the question in writing: "If I didn't have to explain my choices to anyone, what would I want?"

The answer may surprise you. It may also give you your first impetus for action.

7. Don't Look for Approval, Look for Support.

Another reason why change seems so scary to us is the fear of being alone, without support and without the usual circle of social connection. We are afraid that people close to us will say: "You’re crazy", "You’re letting us down", "Think of the children".

It's important to remember: not everyone who might say that doesn't mean well for us. Sometimes this response is simply an attempt to protect us from rash behavior. It's sometimes hard for another person, even the closest person, to understand what motivates us to change. From the outside, it can really seem crazy.

Determine who you really care about and try to explain your decisions. If the person genuinely cares about you, you're more likely to get support. But if the fear of their disapproval is stronger, don't be in a hurry to abandon your plans.

Find at least one person in your community with whom you can share your thoughts without fear of judgment. It could be a whole community of like-minded people - even online. And become that support for yourself - it's the most valuable thing you can do for your happy life.

In Lieu of an Afterword

Fear of change is not a sign of weakness. On the contrary, it is a signal that you are on the threshold of something very important, genuine, and real. Something that will fill your life with meaning and joy.

You don't have to change everything at once. You don't have to be one hundred percent sure. Honesty is enough to make a difference: "I want to do things differently. And I'm willing to try it - in my own way, at my own pace, with fear, but with self-care."

That's the only way you can choose the real you. And live the life you dream of right now.